- Ask a Ph.D. student when his/her dissertation will be done*
- Tell someone they look tired, then suggest they get some sleep
- Ask a woman who has not directly told you that she is currently pregnant when she is due**
- Make enemies with the IT Department
- Make a pretty woman your wife
- Ask any student what his/her plans are after graduation
- Start any sentence with “Well, in today’s economy”
- Park over the line that clearly marks where one space ends and another begins
- Mess around with Slim
- Take libraries and librarians for granted
*It is also inadvisable to ask a Master’s student when he/she will graduate. Basically, you shouldn’t ask graduate students any questions at all, except: 1) would you like free beer? 2) can I return those to the library for you? or 3) tell me about your work – but ONLY do this last one if they are CLEARLY FISHING for you to ask them about their work – otherwise you may face wrath, tears, or a complete nervous breakdown.
**It is also unacceptable to say “maybe you’re pregnant” to any female exhibiting flu-like symptoms. Sometimes the flu is just the flu.
**BONUS – Don’t be this guy**